Lost and Found

What I am about to write about, has truly been one of the most fearful moments in my life. In retrospect, it really wasn't that long, or probably as big of a deal as I made it out to be...but other than when Caleb was hospitalized as a baby, I have never been so scared in my life.

The weather has FINALLY cooled down here...not a ton, but enough that park season is on! We normally go to the park right by our house, where I can see Caleb from all angles. Yesterday, I decided to take them to a HUGE park, Tumbleweed Park. As soon as I pulled up, I saw about 2-300 people playing on the various parts of the park. If you are in one area, then you can't see the other. Caleb was playing on the main playground, and I was on the small one right next to it with Abby. I was watching him play when Abby wanted to go down the slide, so I took her down the slide and immediately looked for him. I had seen him playing right before I went down the slide. When I looked up, he was gone. Completely gone. I did the mom thing in my head...he is probably sitting somewhere, on a slide, etc. etc. So, I walked circles for what felt like hours, but really was probably minutes, and no Caleb. Then, I realized, he had parked his bike over on the "street" bike path, and probably had gone back over there to ride some more. I ran over to that side of the park...his bike sat in the same spot he had left it. At this point, chills started to run down my spine. I felt the panick set in. I told myself to calm down, he had to be somewhere. I ran over to the sand pit, and didn't see him there. I looked over at the swings and did not see him there. So, at this point, real panick is setting in and I go around the main playground a few more times. A really nice mom grabbed me and told me I looked panicked, and did I need help. I broke into tears and told her my son was gone. She got up and started telling people to look for my son. About 20 different moms and dads started looking high and low for my son. The tears kept welling up in my eyes, and I would fight them back, telling myself he HAD to be there. I could not have the child that was kidnapped never to be seen again. I think at this point, I floated above myself and was watching it happen...not really, but it felt so surreal. So, I decided to look over at the swings one last time, and this taller kid moved out of the way, and there was Caleb trying to get on the tire swing. I lost it at that point. I ran to him, and immediately started just crying uncontrollably. His reply to all this, "I saw you going around and around the playground. I made sure I could see your pink shirt all the time." This is when I realized, he thought if he could see me, I could see him. Not so much! The one thing about Caleb is that he is very emotional. My little boy wrapped his arms around me and kissed my cheek, and said, "mommy, I am so sorry I ran away. I didn't mean too."

Needless to say, all is well now...and I couldn't stop praying yesterday and thanking God for my little boy. At that moment, when I thought there was a chance I might never see him again, nothing mattered. It was the emptiest moment of my life, other than the hospital, when I thought I might lose him. Parents are not made to lose their children, and yet, many do. He woke up last night for an hour, and I didn't even mind being up with him (I am sure that will change soon).

As a mommy, I want to be able to protect my children, and keep them safe forever. I realize that may not happen, but the truth of the matter is that safety only goes so far, and we don't have control over everything...losing them would be the worst.

Thank You Lord for my children. I feel lost most the time in raising them and teaching them, but I do know one thing for sure, I absolutely love them and they are the best thing you have ever blessed me with.