Had a bad day...

There is a song out that I kept singing last week, "I had a bad day..."--I don't know the rest, but that was enough for me! The reason I didn't really blog last week was because I was beside myself with depression. This isn't a "poor-me, or self-pity party...I truly was down in the dumps last week.

My son has NEVER been easy...from the day that he was born. He has always been anxious and excitable. But, before I explain him last week, let me say that he has the sweetest side of him...polite and cuddly. That is why I put the picture of him cuddling the dog...when C is doing well, that is how he is. But...last week, he got sick and let me tell you...he gave me more of a run for my money than I think I have ever had. He hit me, called me names, told me he hates me, and basically made my life miserable. Since he was sick, I didn't feel as if I had a real outlet, such as playdates or whatever. So, the thought that this is what I do ALL day EVERY day really started to bum me out...I am staying at home for what??!! To get beat up on and yelled at? This is when I decided, I HAVE to get a job! I WANT A JOB! But, we all know how that went...but alas, I am not giving up hope. I am trying to be diligent in prayer about C and about getting a job.

I think...that if I get a job, then all my problems with C will be resolved...but I know that is not true deep down inside. Truly though, I am bored to tears being a stay at home mom. I have so many friends who truly LOVE it...why can't I LOVE it? I feel like I put all this time, energy, and money into my education so that I can stay home and have babies. I had to take C to the doctor on Friday and it was the P.A. who saw us. I realized, I went to high school with the guy! Here is a guy who has accomplished being a doctor and I...well...I have figured out really well how to pop out children.

Okay, so I know those of you reading this are probably thinking that I need to realize what blessings my children are...and trust me, I do! I just think that it is time...time for a job. Time for me to have something else to do instead of play with play dough and watch Handy Manny for the 100th time. Time for C and I to have some healthy time apart. Yesterday, my parents took him the whole day since A is now sick from C last week, and he came home asleep last night. I felt so refreshed and excited to see him this morning. I realized it was the first day we had been apart since I was in the hospital with A. I need some space, but so does he. He has been an angel today and much easier...due to preschool this morning and a day away yesterday.

I know all of you moms understand out there...and I know those of you who aren't moms will get it when you become a mom! Being a mom is the HARDEST and most DIFFICULT job I have ever had...and I wonder if I am screwing it all up...so I go back to what I always lean on--prayer.

Dear Lord,
I ask that you would grant me wisdom in parenting. It is so much harder than I ever thought it would be. Please bless our family with an outlet for me and space for C, but keep us close together. I want to live for you Lord, and raise my children to do the same.
In Jesus Name,
Amen